Back to Normal
by Rachel500
Summary: Hawke and Caitlin contemplate their relationship in the aftermath of their first mission without Dom. Tag to Condemned.


Airwolf is somebody else's, probably Universal's or Bellisarius', and I freely admit that whoever's it is, I'm borrowing their show and they retain all rights, etc.

 **Author's Note:** Hawke/Caitlin UST. Tag to Condemned. Could be considered an early prequel to my Lost Season series. Happy International Fanworks day!

 **Back to Normal**

It was the creak on the stairs that woke Stringfellow Hawke, more because he'd been expecting it than because the sound disturbed him.

They'd just returned from an Airwolf mission from hell: Russians, drugs, infectious insanity. Even with the technologically advanced helicopter on their side, it had been touch and go. But he, Caitlin O'Shanessy and the scientist they had rescued had been cleared by the additional tests ordered by Michael Coldsmith-Briggs III performed at a prearranged spot outside of the USA. Hawke hadn't been surprised when the FIRM doctor wrangled into doing the tests had taken him aside and told him that Caitlin, who had been standing in for his usual engineer Dominic Santini, was likely to go into shock given the trauma of seeing so much violent death, of almost becoming a victim to violent death herself, and to watch over her. As a veteran soldier and pilot, Hawke had already come to that conclusion himself.

It was why when they'd finally made it home he'd invited Cait to stay over at the cabin ostensibly offering her dinner as a thank you for helping him out with the Airwolf mission, and why he'd waved her up to his bed earlier that night, telling her he'd take the sofa.

Hawke stayed still as he heard her footsteps patter by; the soft click of the door opening sending a brief draught of air through the cabin, and the dull thud as it closed again. He sat up. The light blanket he'd thrown over him slipping to the floor. He frowned, absently scratching a bicep as he contemplated the best course of action. He glanced over at his dog, Tet.

The dog looked back at him expectantly.

Hawke sighed. 'Yeah.' He muttered under his breath. It was his fault that Caitlin had been on the mission. He could hear Dom's nagging voice in his head berating him that he couldn't just leave her to deal with it on her own.

He stood up and reached for his jeans. He left them partially unbuttoned as he wandered to the kitchen. The sky was dark through the window, stars glinting in the purple canvass. He set some milk to heat and spooned chocolate into a mug.

Hawke wanted to say it had been Dom's idea to train Caitlin as a back-up pilot for Airwolf, but the truth was it had been his own. Until Michael came through on their deal to find Hawke's MIA brother, Saint John, Airwolf was under Hawke's protection and while he could fly her solo, on a mission it was better to have an engineer to help out with the scans and weapon selection.

Caitlin had stepped in previously when Dom had been out of commission with his back, and the usefulness of having a third pilot had preyed on Hawke's mind during an abortive mission to Laos to find Saint John, even though he had insisted to Cait her involvement had been a one-time deal. In truth though, Hawke figured he had actually decided to make her back-up before Laos; when her commercial flight had been hijacked and he had been left with the guilty thought that he could have easily offered Caitlin a ride to Texas in Airwolf if he hadn't been so damn stubborn about keeping her away from the helicopter. Caitlin knew about Airwolf and they couldn't take that knowledge back after all. Maybe he also considered her safer in Airwolf where he could watch over her than out of it and vulnerable. He'd already lost too many people he loved.

Not that he _loved_ Caitlin; Hawke's mind shied away from the term. Cared for her, maybe even a lot. He sighed, remembering his panic when Caitlin had been lost beneath the ocean in the damn plane and revised the thought. Maybe he did _love_ her but as a friend; that was all, nothing more and he was damned sure friendship was all she wanted from him.

The milk bubbled and he turned his attention gratefully to making the mug of hot chocolate, ignoring the twinge of disappointment and regret that whispered through him.

He slipped out of the cabin with the drink. The chill of the mountain air slapped over his bare skin and Hawke shivered, hesitating for a moment by the door as he contemplated going back inside for a shirt. But a subtle movement by the bench against the wall diverted his attention and he made his way over to sit beside Caitlin.

She'd wrapped a blanket over her pyjamas and woolly socks adorned her feet. Her red hair was a mess; strands sticking up at odd angles. She was in the middle of growing it out of its familiar short style and Hawke was half-disappointed. He liked her hair; it was cute, sexy. He sat down and handed her the chocolate.

'Sorry.' Caitlin accepted the mug and offered him a shy smile. 'I didn't mean to wake you.' Her Texan twang sounded stronger in the preternatural silence of the night.

Hawke shrugged, folding his arms over his bare torso. 'Couldn't sleep?'

Caitlin sipped the chocolate. 'Just a dream.' She shifted suddenly, throwing the blanket over both of them, and snuggling into his side.

The warmth of her flooded through Hawke and he pretended to be unaffected as he took back the mug at her insistence to warm himself with a sip. He handed it back and realised with some chagrin that they made a fairly intimate picture; wrapped in a blanket, sharing a mug.

Friends, Hawke reminded himself; just friends. He liked being friends with Caitlin. There had been something about her right from the start that he'd just plain _liked_. Like the fact that she had stood up to the sheriff; that she'd stood up to Hawke - stood up _for_ him too. Like the fact that she was a straight arrow in a world of corruption. She had saved his life and he trusted her, had trusted her so much so that it had been Dom who had ended up being wary. But Caitlin had won Dom over too and while the older man continued to be a little brusque with her, Hawke knew he was growing very fond of her - enough that he'd started hinting that Caitlin and Hawke made a cute couple.

Maybe, Hawke considered, Dom had a point. He remembered the kiss he had shared with Caitlin as part of a movie scene set-up on the first job Dom had offered her. Hawke could still vividly recall the way she had tasted; the shape of her mouth under his. But then there had been Dom's crazy niece trying to kill Cait, and Caitlin had been courted by someone else soon after (a hitman using her for her connection to Airwolf but Hawke tried not to dwell on that), and the moment for something more, if there had been a moment, seemed to have passed regardless of Dom's matchmaking; regardless of the attraction for her that lingered in Hawke.

Caitlin nudged him to hand him the mug back and gave a sigh as she rested her head on his shoulder. He shifted, changing position to loop his arm around her shoulder and tuck her closer. Friends, Hawke thought determinedly, could share a hug and a blanket in the wake of facing certain death.

'You ever have one of those dreams where nothing makes sense and you wonder what the heck your brain is trying to tell you?' Caitlin asked softly.

'No.' Hawke denied dryly.

Caitlin laughed and cuddled into him again as he handed her the mug back. She sipped it. 'When I was a cop, there was a murder at this ranch in the middle of nowhere, and I was back there, trying to figure out what had happened again...'

Hawke had no idea what to say.

'Which is weird because we got the guy red-handed and he even confessed but...' she sighed. 'There I was in the dream, walking through this rambling ranch trying to work it out again.' She paused. ''Course it was my first murder, so maybe that's why I dreamed about it.'

Her first murder; her first traumatic sight.

Hawke felt the guilt sharpen in his belly. 'I'm sorry.'

'I'm not.' Caitlin retorted quickly. She made to hand back the mug and held onto it when he would have taken it.

He looked at her quizzically.

'I know I'm new and all to this, but I like being able to back you up, Hawke.'

And that right there was why he trusted her, Hawke mused as her blue-green eyes held his.

She let go of the mug and flashed a smile at him. 'You know this would be a good time to say, 'I like having you as back-up.''

But he didn't _like_ it; she knew it and he knew it.

'I like having you safe.'

The words tumbled out, and he saw the flash of something in her eyes as she registered his honesty. She subsided, pressing into his side.

Hawke drained the mug, wished it was something stronger, and set it aside. He could see the edge of the horizon beginning to lighten as the first rays of the sun started to encroach into the night.

'When's Dom back?' Caitlin asked idly.

'Day after tomorrow.' Hawke murmured. He couldn't wait for the older man's return. He wasn't suited to running Santini Air, for one thing, and because he'd missed him for another.

She sighed. 'Guess I go back to the benches.'

There was an acceptance in the words that eliminated any sting and Hawke rubbed her shoulder consolingly not replying. He couldn't deny that she was right.

The sky was lightening at the edges and Hawke felt her yawn.

'Bed?' Hawke asked gruffly. His eyes widened in realisation of how his question could be interpreted but Caitlin seemed oblivious to the connotation, nodding and beginning to move from the bench. He tucked the blanket back around her and they made their way into the cabin.

He set the empty mug on the breakfast bar and watched as she took a step toward the stairs. She stopped suddenly and turned back to him.

'We could share the bed.' Caitlin said firmly.

'Cait...'

'Aw, come on, Hawke.' Caitlin argued. 'It's not like we're going to jump each other. Bed's big enough for both of us and I feel bad kicking you out in your own place.' She raised an elegant eyebrow as though daring with him to argue.

Hawke sighed and gave a sharp nod. She'd made it difficult to argue against them sharing and he wasn't going to admit that he might be attracted to her when it was only friendship she wanted. Not that he would jump her either way; she'd probably punch him, Hawke considered wryly as he followed her up.

She took the left side of the bed, throwing the blanket back over the entire expanse. Hawke took the right. Within moments, Caitlin was asleep. He turned to face her and watched. She was lying on her back, one arm resting over the flat of her belly; the other almost stretched out towards him. He carefully noted every freckle that covered her face; the curve of her cheek and the way her lips parted slightly as she slept.

Hawke closed his eyes. Soon, he resolved, Dom would be back, Caitlin would return to being back-up only, and they wouldn't be sharing a bed. Everything would be back to normal.

o-O-o

Caitlin ignored the ache in her shoulders and focused on keeping Airwolf steady. The stick vibrated a warning in her grip and she adjusted, finding the delicate balance the advanced helicopter needed.

'Good.' Hawke commented beside her.

She risked a glance at him. He had sat in the weapons specialist chair, waving her into the pilot's position. It was the first time Hawke had allowed her to sit there during her lessons with him. Dom had no issues with giving up the seat but she knew that was because he considered it Hawke's.

In truth, Caitlin preferred Dom as a teacher. He was a lot more patient with her than Hawke and explained things in more detail. Hawke forgot sometimes that she didn't know things or didn't consider that she would need to know since a lot of his own flying was so natural and ingrained in him that he assumed that it was the same for everyone else.

She didn't blame him, Caitlin mused, as she hummed under her breath and turned her gaze back to the open blue sky in front of her. Hawke had a talent for flying that Caitlin envied and admired in equal measure. She was a good pilot but he was better. She'd learned a lot simply watching him fly. Still, she thought Dom agreed with her about Hawke's skills as an instructor. More often than not, Dom would volunteer, and at the airfield the older man was pushing more and more of the flying lessons with paying clients in Caitlin's direction.

Hawke shifted in the seat next to her and a moment later Caitlin ruefully nudged the stick to correct the drift that he had sensed without looking at the instruments. It was dangerous to let her mind drift in Airwolf, Caitlin remonstrated with herself. She couldn't forget that she had almost killed them her first time out as an engineer and she resolved again not to make the same mistake; she would pay attention.

Her back ached again. Holding Airwolf steady wasn't the same as a normal helicopter. Airwolf was like a skittish pure bred Arabian mare, barely tamed and unhappy at being reined in. She wasn't a placid creature willing to be led by the nose. Caitlin enjoyed the challenge but she figured if she wanted to improve she needed some gym time to build up her upper body strength.

Hawke made another imperceptible fidget that had Caitlin looking at the dashboard and wondering what was wrong.

'Tired?' Hawke asked bluntly.

Caitlin blushed, realising that he'd noticed _her_ and not Airwolf. 'A little,' she conceded, reluctant to give up control.

Hawke moved though to take back the stick and Caitlin relinquished it with a sigh. She waited until he indicated that he had it before she let go completely. She rolled her shoulder with a wince. She was going to indulge herself with a long soak in a hot bubble bath with a glass of cold wine, Caitlin planned.

Unless Hawke invited her back to the cabin as he had done the night before.

Probably he wouldn't, Caitlin thought with regret. Not that she was particularly regretful about the cabin. Although it was a great place, a stunning location that was beautiful and peaceful, the cabin itself was pretty basic. No, Caitlin thought wryly, her regret was all about not spending the time with Hawke.

She slid another look in his direction. His attention was all on the sky. He was an attractive guy; brown hair cropped short with just the sprinkle of grey creeping in at the temples; a boyish face that belied his age; too serious blue eyes that saw too much and didn't give anything away. He was fit underneath the Airwolf uniform; a slim compact package full of wiry strength. Her type of guy, Caitlin admitted to herself, even if she wasn't his type of woman.

A different regret stole in to take her breath. She'd come to accept that he'd never feel about her the way she felt about him. Her lips twisted wryly. She'd fallen half in love with idea of him at first, the mysterious stranger who'd saved her from the corrupt sheriff. For a moment, her mind filled with the memory of a dank cell; the scent of male sweat and chewed tobacco on stinking breath crowding in on her; bruising hands grabbing at her. She'd been so lucky Hawke had come back to save her.

She shoved the memory away. The fallout from the incident in Pope County had cost her what little credibility she'd had with her superiors since the report she had submitted had been full of holes. She'd been too eager to protect Hawke and his wonderful machine; too honest about her own mistakes in handling the sheriff. It had been no surprise that they'd accepted her request for a leave of absence.

Offering to escort the body of Hawke's friend home, finding Hawke himself, had been as much about saying thank you as it had been about satisfying her curiosity although she'd defy a saint not to be curious about Airwolf, Caitlin thought defensively. Her reunion with Hawke had been everything she had wanted; sure he'd closed up about Airwolf but otherwise he'd welcomed her like an old friend. Dom had been wary; still was some of the time, she thought amused. But Hawke's easy acceptance of her had been a boon; a blessing that had soothed the hurt from her exit from the police force.

There had been the possibility of more between them than friendship at that point. She was sure of it in a way only a woman could be sure of it; some inner feminine intuition that had told her he _liked_ her. A pretend kiss on a movie set had all but confirmed it but…but then Hawke had disappeared off to the cabin with Dom's niece, Holly, and Caitlin had been left figuring that if Holly was his type then Caitlin definitely wasn't. Once Holly had tried to kill her, Caitlin had believed Holly's tale of kisses in the moonlight with Hawke had been a lie designed to make Caitlin jealous. But Caitlin had backed off anyway and Hawke had backed off and then…

And then there had been Robert; Robert who'd courted her with romantic gestures and flattering words, but who had only wanted her because of her connection to Hawke and to Airwolf. It had been a valuable lesson. By the time she'd learned it, she and Hawke had settled into friendship and the possibility of more had gone away even if Caitlin's attraction to Hawke remained along with the notion that it wouldn't take much for her lingering crush to slip into something more dangerous. The thought whispered through her head that she was half-way in love already; she ignored it.

Hawke was her friend and that was good enough for Caitlin. More, he had finally trusted her with Airwolf. Sure, the initial mission had been one of necessity to rescue his friend Michael but after Hawke had come back from trying to find his brother in Laos, he'd started her lessons in Airwolf without discussion and Caitlin knew that she was being trained as a back-up engineer and pilot. With Dom away in Italy, she'd had to step in for Hawke's latest mission.

She shivered suddenly. The mission had been a doozy. She hadn't realised just how much death and destruction she would encounter; she'd panicked a couple of times – and she flushed with mortification thinking about it, grateful that the heavy Airwolf helmet hid her from view. But despite her stumbles, she thought she'd backed Hawke up enough, done good enough, that they'd be another mission sometime in her future – that she was having another flying lesson underscored that Hawke must have thought the same no matter how much he didn't actually want her in the cockpit.

It was weird but Caitlin understood the contradiction. From what little Hawke had told her, from what little Dom had confided once he'd decided to trust her, Hawke had lost a lot of people in his life. Caitlin knew Hawke first and foremost wanted to protect her. He'd never want her in danger. That Hawke was training her in how to fly and operate Airwolf meant that he'd decided that it was the best way to keep her safe. Exactly why he thought that or why he'd made the decision, Caitlin didn't know; it could have been any number of the events they'd gone through together since she'd arrived in LA.

For her part, Caitlin was honoured by the trust Hawke had placed in her; honoured and determined that she would never let him down. She'd meant what she'd said sitting with him on a bench in the early hours of the morning; she liked being able to back him up. Which meant smoothing out her stumbles, Caitlin mused ruefully. She could do it though. She'd been top of her academy class; a solid cop out in the field. She was good at investigation and she was smart; she could make connections quicker than most. And she'd learned with Airwolf pretty darned fast too – Dom had even said so. Careful, Caitlin cautioned herself; pride went before a fall and she didn't want that. She could acknowledge that she had a lot to learn; she was new to the whole spy game, naïve about some of the reality of it, and despite her flying lessons she knew it would be a long time before she was ready to engage in a dogfight with another aircraft.

Airwolf's hiding place came into view and Caitlin let her thoughts die way as she enjoyed the sheer exhilaration of being inside Airwolf as she was flown by Hawke. He brought Airwolf down gently into the cavern and landed with a barely perceptible bump. He powered her down and the sudden silence was deafening.

Caitlin removed the heavy helmet with a sigh and ran a hand through her damp mussed strands of hair. She grimaced as she considered she must look a mess; hardly the impression that she wanted to make on Hawke.

'You want to come up to the cabin for dinner?' Hawke asked, surprising her.

She turned in her seat to look at him. He wasn't looking at her; he was stowing his helmet away.

'Sure.' Caitlin said. She wouldn't turn down the opportunity to spend time with him again. A voice inside her head that reminded her of her older sister, Erin, warned her that she was being stupid; spending time with him was only going to make her crush on him worse. Caitlin ignored the voice resolutely and flashed Hawke a pleased smile. 'You want me to cook?'

'I'll catch it.' Hawke said by reply.

Caitlin would have preferred a steak but Hawke liked fish and it was his home. Besides, the fish Hawke caught usually was great and there was a lemon butter recipe that she'd been dying to try…

Her plans for dinner kept her occupied as Hawke left her to change. She cheerfully filled Hawke in on them as they made their way back to the airfield in the Santini jeep. She saw how he winced at the idea of lemon butter but how his eyes lit up at the ranch salad she proposed. He stopped off at groceries at the local store outside of Van Nuys. Caitlin was in good spirits as they entered the airfield.

Hawke asked her to check on the messages while he prepped their chopper for the journey. Caitlin agreed indulgently. He hated the administrative side of Dom's business and she didn't mind stepping in. She dropped the bag of vegetables on a battered old chair and picked up the phone to access the message service.

There were two messages; one from a prospective client enquiring about flying lessons and one from Dom himself giving the details of his flight back to the US from Italy. Caitlin carefully made a note of the flight number and times; Hawke would want to greet Dom. She set down the phone and stared at her own neat handwriting with disappointment.

It wasn't that she didn't want Dom back; she missed the old coot and she was looking forward to having him home – she was. It was just that she'd enjoyed having Hawke to herself for a little while, Caitlin realised with chagrin and Dom's message was a reminder that it would be over soon. Friendship, Caitlin instructed herself firmly; she and Hawke were friends. She didn't want anything more. She sighed at her weak attempt to lie to herself and tore off the paper so she could give the note to Hawke.

She had one more night, Caitlin thought determinedly; she would enjoy her time with Hawke and once it was over, she would move on, get over her crush and focus on their friendship. Everything would be back to normal.

fin.


End file.
